Residential Email 3: XXX Virus
by TwistedTears759
Summary: Jill Valentine is on a quest to stop the spread of the XXX virus, will she survive without being turned gay? READ TO FIND OU T!
1. Raptor 1

CHapTER ONE: XXX Virus

Racoon city, 1998. The city was in peril, the XXX virus had broken out and was turning people into raging homosexuals, Jill Valentine jumped from her apartment as it exploded. "Fuck I left my vibrator" she muttered as the fags inside burned alive. "Oooooh that feeeeels goooood" some queer screeched as his nuts burned. Jill picked up her pistol from the ground and ran down the alleyway and into a warehouse up ahead. Dario looked at the weirdo boobtube woman "Ew" he said. Jill assumed he was a homo and aimed her pistol at his nuts "god hates you" she said and blew his sack off. Dario screamed and grabbed his cock "I'm not gay you shitbird, I just finished fucking my daughter while the gays had a bukkake party on her" he bled out and died. Jill didn't feel bad, and ran up the stair and into the office. She opened the lid to the magic box, and a ginger popped out "Heya, best friend!" Claire redfield, the biggest dumb dumb in the universe said. Jill looked shooketh. What was that thing in front of her, was it gay? Or was it just extremely disabled. Jill grabbed her gun ready to fire. Claire climbed out and pulled off her booty shorts, revealing her 50inch ding dong and 30inch wide booty. Jill pointed her gun at Claire "stay right there you stupid homo!" She screamed. Claire's eyes went wide like she just snorted 50 lines of cocaine (she probably did Idk use ur imagine nation). She grabbed Jill's gun and swallowed it whole. "Mmmmmmmmmm" she rubbed her tummy. "I just love the taste of bullets" claire blushed and Jill was shook again. "You ate my gun you got damn monster!" Jill screamed before being smacked upside the head by Claire's peen-peen. Jill fell to the ground and yelled "oof", Her condition went from fine to Sexy. The XXX virus began to spread throughout Jill, starting in her uterus, and spreading to her clit. She could feel herself become more gay and gay as Claire rubbed her massive weiner against Jill's face. " I hope you Like that you slut..." Claire moaned, pre leaking out the tip and getting on Jill's, polygonal hair. Jill stood up and licked her lips, her nipples poking through the boobtube. Claire grinned and touched both of them. Jill moaned, her vagina getting hard. (is that what they do I dunno I'm a Virgina :c :c :c) Claire took her knife and cut the fabric around Jill's jiggly boob thingies. Once her tits were visible, claire took her cocky-wocky and began to slide it up and down, and all around Jill's massive coconuts. "I'm gonna tit fuck you so much that when I'm done with you you'll turn into Steve Burnside" Claire moaned, grabbing Jill's pussy. "MR. PRESIDENT" Jill gasped, her cheeks turning red. "No...no I'm not a faggoT, I can't have sex with yoU, it goes against god!" Claire put her fingers to Jill's mouth "Shhhh, little birdy, it's not gay if it's a three-way..." claire grinned and reached inside of her booty, pulling out some weirdo named Barry. "Whoah, this office is dangerous!" He said pulling out his magnum...condom for his monster dong. "DONT WORrry f Ihave THIS!" he said pulling the latex over his thingy. Jill blushed as Barry slipped around and put his "Python" against Jill's butty "Guess I'm the master of unlocking now" he said before shoving his magnum dong inside of Jill's poopy butt.(she forgot to wipe)"OH BARRY" Jill moaned. Claire liked the sound of that and shoved her dong up Jill's mangina, it went so far up it came out her nose! Jill could do nothing as Claire and Barry gang banged her. "I guess you're now a Jill sandwhich" barry moaned as the two kept having sexy time with her. The office door opened as a couple of fucking gay retards started walking in. "Why isn't there any decent men around" one of the homo's whined. Claire grunted and twisted around, shooting massive and big cums from Jill's nose at the gay people. They screeched out "No NOT GIRL CUMMI" they said turning around to avoid the massive stickities headed their way. END OF CHAPTER 1


	2. Chap tor 2: WeE on

Leon was walking down the street with his ipod, he was jamming out to some blink182 because he really enjoyed listening to them. The song he was listening to was called Dammit or some stupid shit like that

As he was dancing along the sidewalk to the beat he came across a man and another man, the first man was kneeling infront of the seond. This looked very wrong and gay to leon he knew something was up and only he the master of stopping gay people could do something about it! Leon pulled out his matilda pistol and took off the safety, he pulled the clip out to make sure it was laoded and it had his specialty anti gay ppl bullets and took out his earpods and approached the two naked men. "Are you guys alright" he asked cautiously, he didnt want to do soemthing he would regret likecatch the xxx gay thing virus, suddenly the kneeled man turned around and OH GOD! HE HAD CUM IN HIS MOUTH! THE GAY MAN SHOT HIS HOT STICKY BOYS INTO THE OTHER GAY MANS STOMACH! Leon gasped and shrieked like a little sissy girl almost like Sherry when she saw her dada (review my story if u remember how sad it was to see william ;;). Once leon was done shrieking he fired a bullet at the two gay people, the bullet bounced off the big donged man's dong and hit leon in the stomach. "Owwie" he said as blood began to come out of his boo boo. The man with come in his mouth came at leon (not in the gay way thoguh) and threw his fist hitting him in the jaw, leon fell over and whimpered "please stop mr gay man, I have my aids shot and everything" he sounded like a little bitch. The gay man teeheed and whipped out a bottle of lube and dumped it on his cokywocky "i am going to shove this thing up your buttthole mr kennedy" he said, the second gay man kinda just fell over and died (the bullet boucning off his peenis hurt him and he kinda died from it) Leon gasped "how do u know my name!" he said while secretley reaching for his dora the explorer special limited editon adventours big gay y knife. The gay man smiled and flexed his muscles "because leon! I AM YOUR DADDY" he screamed before lunging towards leons butt with his big peener. Leon smirked and rolled away b ecaause hes cool and badass and then he took the knife and swung it at the man's penis cutting it in hafl. "Owwwwwwwwwwwww" the gay man yelled as blood came from the tip of his severed peepee "now it looks like the only fluid coming out of that thing will be blood" leong chuckeld along with the studio audience that was watching. Leon grabbed his gun and holstered it before running off to the RPD (Racoon Penis Department) He headed toward the front door when suddenly brad came out of the bush holding an ak47 shotgun. "LEON WAIt!" brad said aiming the pew pew machine at him. Leon turned and asked brad why he needed to wait. Brad fired a bullet and got some of the cummy off of his tactical vest "you almost caught the gay and you cant go to work when you have gay" brad smiled before being stomped on by a BIG MONSTER. Leon looked at the BIG MONSTER that came from the sky it was big and ugly and looked like a monster! "It's the SEGA NEMESIS HOME CONSOLE" he screamed again and pointed his Matlida pistol at the BIG STINKY MONSTER! Leon fired 3 bullets and dodged rolled out of the way firing another 2, the sound of the clanking brass hit the ground echoed against the sound of flesh being torn out from Nemesis as the bullets shredded bast his skin, the monster shrieked out in pain, growling as his head turned toward Leon, It apporached him his hand reaching out to grab him but Leon was smart enogght the toss a flash grenade to blind the stupid idiot. Nemesis was blindeded by the grenade and leon grabbed the ak47 shotgun brad had before running inside the RPD, the nightmare was far from over END OF CHAPTER 2!

AN: :3c if u liek my story plz shae it and give feedback to help my writyng acareer i hope to write for the newy yorky times


	3. Chapstick 3

Rebecca chambers was at the university of smart people, she was a very gifted and talented individual she was also smart she had an iq of 100 which made her really super smart cuz 100 is like 100/100 so she was infinite smarts (like Stevin Hawk king). She walked down the hall past some smart people they wasn't ad smart as she on the smart spectrum but they were pretty dang close so they were kinda smart too I guess. She went to her super duper smart guy office which made her special it even had her name. She entered the room and was surrounded by smart air, it made her even smarte. She sat at her desk and did a clicking click and typeity type titty in her computer, she searched Google how to cure the gay virus. Suddenly the door opened and a big stinky doo doo came in. Oh no it was a dumb dumb rebecca thot. She picked up her anti stupid bricks and tossed them at the dummy. "Go away stinky" she said. The brick hit the stupid and he cried and ran away. The ceiling broke and some gay people came into the office. They were dressed up like secret agents (they looked cool and had machine guns) "Rebecca chamber you need to stop searching on how to cure the xxx virus" they said aiming their Remington 870 machine guns at her. She stared at them and said "YOU CAN'T HURT ME I'M SO SMART I CAN'T BE SHOOTED" she said as she used her brain power to put up an anti bullet barrier. They shot. "Oweie" she said "I guess I wasn't smart enough" suddenly Chris Redfield jumped into the office through a window. "IS THAT YOU REBECCA" he said watching the girl bleed out to death. She looked at the man and paused. A few minutes later she said "it's me Chris" and died. She was about to turn gay. (This is so sad plz leave a review if this made you cry). Chris wasn't about to let the xxx virus into Rebecca so he pulled out his gun a ppk sniper rifle and shot Rebecca. The bullet he shot at her had a cure developed by himself because the air made Chris smart enough to come up with a cure but that only that once time then he forgot because one of the bullets fired by the gay people destroyed the ac so the smartness wore off. (:c) "that was tasty" Rebecca said her life bar going from gay to fine. The gay dissapeared from her body and soon some faggots broke into the smart office and ate the soldier people :c. Chris kissed rebeeca on the head and slapped her face to make sure the gay was all out of her system. "Ow Ow OwO that hurt" Rebecca cried shedding a few liquid tears. Chris chuckled "I know I had to make sure you were ok, so anyway whats the deal with all the faggots" he said helping the lady to her feet. "Well you see the xxx virus is turning everyone into raging homosexuals, and we have to find a way to cure it otherwise the entrie united states will be gay, and we dont want to be like canada" CHRIS GASPED "We cant let anyone else turn homo or ill hold myself responsible" he said like aman "I invented the cure just now but i forgoted how to make it" rebecca just looked depressed "Damn it….we are so doomed!" she pulled out a colt .45 m1911 shotgun and pointed it at her head "IF I THE SMARTEST BEAN IN THE WORD CANT CURE THE GAY THEN NO ONE ELSE CAN" she pulled the trigger Rebbeca died i think. Chris cried. A gay man came up behind him and bit his ass. "OOF" chris yelled taking out his knife he threw it at the gay man but it missed and bounced off a mirror and hit him in the eye, he was blinded by the blade "OH NOOOOO I CANT C" he scremed "WHATS THE POINT IN BEING ALIVE IF I CANT SEE AND IM TURNING GAY" he ran into a wall "ouch" he fell over onto a grenade and his butt clenched and pulled the pin out and things went boom boom. He actually didnt blow up though he just shit himself and it stank. Really bad. The gay people ran away because they dont liek poop. The grenade was a dud and did not workie. Chris was now blinded and turning gay and he didnt know what to do to save himsefl it was really sad and depressing but also courages. Chris used his echolocation powers to find the computer and he typed into google how to see and clicked the wikihow page. He asked the dead body of rebbeca i think to read out loud for him cuz he couldnt see the words. She was dead and couldnt read. Everything chris knew was a lie and he just wanted to kill himself. But he did not. He had to prevail. "I DUN NUT WANT TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" he screeched into the heavens a bird flew down the broken window and pooped on his head. WEKSER Did a summer salt and smoked a blunt while entering the room "LOOKS LIKE CHRISSY SISSY NEEDS HELPIE" he said in a cool voice he took his sunglasses off and gave them to chris "use these stupid" suddenly chris could see again it was like magic 'WEKSER!" chris gasped he was shook to see him "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" he said shooked. Wesker tossed his blunt and stepped on it "ha, I thought you would ask me " he pulled out his Sam Err Eye's Edge and pointed it at rebecca and shooted she was alive again! yay ! chris was happy. Wesker smiled. He left. Rebeeca got up and huggeed chris "YOU SAVE ME" she said kissing his lip "ew chris said" he was starting to feel a bit gayer "OH…..OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" rebecca gasped. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN the endd of chapsticvk 3. :3c

AN: I THINK I AM GETTING BETTER AT THIS WHOLE WRITING THIN


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